When you leave a job, do you walk out, give a two-week notice or give them lots of time to replace you?  I’ve done all three of these.  When you walk out, you may be burning your bridges, leaving hard feelings behind with people who would never hire you again or blackball you in the business.  I left behind a sales job that I hated and I knew I would never work in the business again because I didn’t want to, but I also went in with the, I’m so sorry but I can’t do this anymore, attitude; not the, this job, place, or you are awful and I hate you, attitude.

Many people also burn their bridges with friends or exes.  Did you leave an ex, but are still friends with them?  Or do you hold a grudge or maybe even still feel at war with them?  If they were awful or they left you for someone else or after cheating, you probably still carry hurt feelings, anger and maybe even a sense of betrayal.  You may burn your bridges with that person because of these feelings, and this could be healthy as you don’t need them in your life.  But then you need to heal and find peace and not hold that grudge for a lifetime.  Also if there are children involved, learning to deal with the person in a healthy way, will make your children’s lives so much more enjoyable, rather than continuing to be at war there. And, of course, healthier for you as well!

Many people are friends with their exes; sometimes they get along much better after they break up!  They like each other better and even treat each other better.  You might want to look at your exes.  Do you not speak to any of them?  Do you hate them?  Are you friends?  If you find you have the same pattern with all of them, take a look at that pattern.  Have you burned your bridges, and was that a healthy response?

I knew someone who dropped both friends and those they were dating at the drop of a hat, for reasons that made no sense to me, so I wasn’t all that surprised when the same thing happened to me out of the blue after 3 years of friendship.  A momentary hurt yes, but not surprised.  People have a pattern and most stick with it.  If you have one, do you like yourself and how you handle things or do you want to work on it?

Whether you burn your bridges or keep your lines of communication open, both can be a healthy choice depending on how you go about it and what feelings you harbor.  If you drop the other person or situation entirely why did you do it?  Anger, or maybe self-preservation…and if you stay, why are you staying?  Do it in the healthiest way for you and those you love.  And if you look at your life and don’t like what you see, just know you can break that pattern when you’re ready.


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