The saying goes – there’s no use crying over spilled milk, but what does that mean exactly?  So it’s over, get over it?  While that may be true in a very abrupt way, sometimes we need to take that time to cry, to mourn and to be in the moment of loss, even if it is a small loss before we can move on.

If you have a small loss, say you actually can’t find something that isn’t super meaningful or expensive or inconvenient, you may have a momentary, well drat, but it may be just a minor blip on your radar.  But as you go up the scale, the biggest incident could leave you a mess needing years of therapy.

So say you lost or dropped your phone, or ran it over or something, while this is generally not life altering and something you would spend a lot of time mourning over, it is super inconvenient and if you haven’t shared or backed up to the cloud your favorite video of baby’s first steps, very sad indeed.  But we generally don’t let this wreck our life.  After maybe crying out of frustration at the loss or inconvenience, we call Verizon or Sprint and pay the extra postage for the overnight.

But then we get to the bigger things, the car smash up, the bad news from the doctor, the laying off from a job, or the loss of a loved one.  How do you take that?  Do you give yourself time to move through it at your pace or do you stuff everything and not cry over spilt milk now?  Everyone needs their own time and space.  Some people get over things faster than others and some just pretend to themselves that all is better – or just pretend to others putting on that brave face while falling apart inside.

Please, please, please, honor your process!!!  Whatever it takes and however long it takes.  If someone says – hey aren’t you over that YET???  Give it a momentary thought.  Check in with yourself.  Because if you are on the road to recovery and are turning yourself around, you can ignore them.

But, if you are stuck in the pain, again, please, please, please, step back enough to become aware of how awful things may be for you.  Allow yourself to reach out to a therapist, a clergyman or a life coach…someone who is an unbiased ear.  Sometimes we have friends who can help us, but a lot of times they can’t help but try to fix us in a way that they think would be right for you because they know you.  An unbiased ear will help you find your own answers and your own path gently being there for you when you need them.

So, no use crying over spilt milk?  Maybe…sometimes…and sometimes a tear or two, or a lot more than that, will help you grow and become stronger.  And we all wouldn’t mind that!