Are you the unrequited love type? Do you pine after people that aren’t interested in you or do you just say nothing so they don’t even know?
Let’s start with the second one. They don’t know you have a crush or an even deeper feeling; that you would give anything if they turned around and really saw you. You may have started this pattern when you were growing up. If you had a crush even in elementary school, did you say anything or were you too shy? Sometimes in love we miss our opportunities because we don’t speak up. I have heard numerous times from men that they wanted to date me, but I never seemed interested. At the time they told me this it was anywhere from 10 to 20 years later and they were generally happily married with a family. My response almost always was…WHAT??? Are you kidding me!!!???? Major bummer. Because I WAS interested back then (and would still be if they weren’t in a relationship), but I was just too shy to say anything.
I was one of those people that could talk to anyone EXCEPT the guy I was interested in. I still am working on it. If you are like this, I get it. But there really is no reason to suffer. Practice! But have no agenda. Talk to anyone who is attractive to you. Come up with a couple of phrases you can say to someone. Smile, look them in the eyes, and say something…anything! You can say what you practiced or compliment them on something. You may be totally uncomfortable, but it does get easier. And you can always start with safe people first. I started practicing on my gay friends. I graduated to the guy behind the meat counter at Safeway, cashiers, and anyone that seemed okay, figuring they wouldn’t follow me home… If you can do this, when the real thing comes up – that person that you would really want to date…you will be SO much more comfortable. I also joined Toastmasters to feel comfortable talking to just about anyone. That was for my business, but boy…that works for romance too!!
But, if you are constantly pining after people who know you are interested and they act or say they aren’t interested in you, you may be suffering a great deal. But if you look at your life, do you do this a lot? If you do, maybe, just maybe, you do this because it is safer than having a real relationship with a person who engages with you. To actually turn around and be IN a relationship can be very scary, a lot of work and maybe even disappointing if it doesn’t live up to what you want. Living with the fantasy of what could be is a whole lot safer. I’m not saying this is you, just asking that you take a good look at yourself.
Unrequited love is a pain in the…heart, but your life can be a whole lot richer if you really participate and be fully present, allowing the old feelings to fall away, and allowing those that are interested in you to be part of your life.