Sometimes we get pretty tough on ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not living up to our own or someone else’s expectations.  We can get depressed, angry, worried, fearful, and pretty much every other difficult emotion when we have challenges or go through change.  Self-flagellation does not generally serve us very well.

We may think more of what we see as our weaknesses rather than our strengths at these times.  And unfortunately, even well-meaning (and sometimes not so well-meaning) friends, family and work mates, may dwell on what isn’t working and why than what strengths we may have to move through the situations.

Sometimes we come through challenges with flying colors, but sometimes we need just a little help to get a better perspective, and we can’t always depend on those around us to lift us up.  And really, why do we want to?  It is really great if we have those types of people in our life, but we need to know how to help ourselves.  How to connect higher, pray or simply shift our thinking to move us in a direction we want to go when the challenge or change occurs.  Learning to step back or step up or above are all really healthy ways to help ourselves.

Besides praying and connecting higher to find relief, here is what might be considered a more concrete way.  Those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know I really like lists.  Don’t sigh or groan please…but really…writing a list can really shift you, whether from stress and confusion to peace with a list of things to do or get done, or to refocus you on a brighter path.  And yes, writing it down instead of just listing them in your head makes a big difference.

So try this right now…First Step – think of your strengths in general and whether on phone notes, a computer or on a piece of paper, write down every single one of your strengths you can think of; whether it is that you are reliable, honest, funny, good with money, are neat, generous, loving, a great friend, a good employee, an awesome driver, or whatever…

Next step – think of the challenge or change that is facing you.  Now take those strengths that feel connected and apply them to whatever you are facing.  If it is a relationship issue with someone, take the strengths you have with regard to people – if you said you are a good friend, why are you? How does it apply to where you are with the challenge.  When you see that you have all that you need to work your way through what is happening, the fear or worry will lessen and it will be much easier to work your way through it.

When you open up and release worry and fear, other ideas may come to you on how to shift and embrace the challenge; perhaps a person will come to mind that can be a boost and help you; or a strength you have will become more obvious and make a difference.

Just don’t get bogged down.  You have more than enough strength to work your way through whatever shows up. You just need to realize you already have it and let the fear and worry fade away.  You got this!