What outlook do you have if things don’t seem to go “right”? There are always a number of options. Which one is your default?
- It’s someone else’s fault because I had nothing to do with this…situation, outcome, whatever.
- It’s all my fault. Nothing good ever happens to me – or some variation on this.
- It’s no one’s fault because it was meant to be…fate…preordained, or some such.
- It’s no one’s fault, but I take responsibility for the outcome because it’s a lesson I need to learn.
First let me say that none of these are wrong, but some choices and beliefs will make you waaaayyyyyyyy more uncomfortable than others!
Some people refer to choice #1 as a victim mentality, but sometimes it really feels like you had nothing to do with the situation or outcome, so you may choose #1.
Choice 2 is the depressive personality or someone with incredibly low self-esteem. It may not be your go to, but if you hit this one occasionally, it may be a certain area of your life that just tends to find Murphy’s Law, where an awful lot just doesn’t go the way you wish it would.
The third one can seem fatalistic or like no responsibility is taken, but sometimes it can really feel this way. The religious community can get stuck in this one sometimes. I personally don’t like it because I want some say in my life. The free will thing…I like it!
The last one is interesting. It is kind of where the spiritual community settles. Just be sure when taking responsibility for the outcome you take responsibility for your outcome and not everyone else’s. If you feel into it, you’ll find that choice 4 gives you more freedom; freedom to choose a different outcome; freedom to grow and change; and freedom to move on in a faster way.
I guess you can tell I tend to lean towards the fourth one. But whichever way you look at it, knowledge is power. If you don’t like the way you handle something and you see you’re doing it all the time, try something different. And make sure you don’t get stuck in a choice of blaming and finding fault that makes you miserable, unhappy or distances you from others as the not so much fun person to be around.
If you don’t like one choice, try another and see how that fits the you that you want to be.